I can’t say this has been my favorite week. Although, I have to say, it hasn’t been all bad. Just like I say to the parents of kids with behavior problems I work with: don’t make the “bad” behavior more important than the “good,” it’s the same thing with this week. I don’t want to make the cancer bigger than all the lovely things. I’ve had more messages than I can count. I’ve had emails, facebook messages, text messages, comments on my blog, cards, letters, in-person hugs and words of support, voicemails, and phone calls. The clinic director gave me flowers at our end-of-the-year ceremony, and some sweet words of encouragement. Meals have been lovingly cooked and brought to me. Miko gives me extra kisses. Family and friends have come to appointments and surgery with me, and many others have expressed that they would. Even more have said they would be willing to help in whatever way I needed. Students have shared that they are wishing me well (directly followed by asking if they can still turn in extra credit), and so many people have expressed that they are in their thoughts/prayers/good vibes/positive energy. Classmates and faculty have supported me in so many amazing ways. It’s a little overwhelming, all this love I’ve received.

And surgery wasn’t even all that bad. The worst part was the migraine I had beforehand, probably from lack of sleep, water, food, and coffee that day. Other than that, it’s been pretty pain free, with little need for pain pills. The hospital staff was great, and my surgeon is brilliant. The tech making motorcycle noises as he pushed my wheelchair was a little annoying, but all in all, that’s not so bad. I even got to stay in a fancy-pants hotel with my sweet family, which felt luxurious.

The results I received aren’t what I was hoping for, though. For starters, all of the margins are positive. Surgical oncologists like to get a benign margin of tissue surrounding the cancer, so they can be confident they got it all. My cancer went to the end of all sides of the tissue they took out. There is also a 3 cm invasive component, meaning the cancer has left the ducts and invaded the surrounding tissue. My surgeon took five lymph nodes, two of which were positive for cancer.

So what does this mean? First, it means that the next step is meeting with a medical oncologist to talk about chemotherapy. That will happen either at the end of next week, or the beginning of the following week. Chemo can’t start until two weeks after surgery, so we have a little wiggle room. That’s because of the invasive component. Within the next week or so, I’ll also have a full body PET/CT, to determine staging (to see if it has spread to other areas). Because of the positive margins, I will have to go back to surgery after chemo is done, and have a mastectomy. Then I’ll follow that up with radiation, just to maximize my chances that every cancer cell has been reached.

So I’m not really looking forward to this summer. I’m pretty sure it won’t be my favorite. But I’m also pretty sure, if so far is any indication, that the bad parts will be tempered by the good, and my amazing support team will make it all a little better. I’m pretty sure I’ll feel loved.