*Disclaimer: This title may be misleading. It should probably read, “Questions I’ve been asked at least once, and/or feel like answering today.” But that just didn’t have the same flow*

You’re almost done with chemo! Does that feel great??!!?
No. And not because I want to keep heading into the infusion room with my fellow baldies to have chemicals pumped into my veins. It’s that although it sounds to everyone else like I’m almost done (well, because I am almost done), it doesn’t feel that way to me. It feels like I’ve run most of a marathon, but still have the last mile left, and it’s uphill. Not that I’ve ever run a marathon, or even a 5K, but my sister has, and she describes that last mile like that. Or maybe it feels like I’ve been run over by a series of trains, and there is still one left, only it’s the longest one. The effects of the cocktail of drugs I’m currently on are cumulative, and I’m just. So. Tired. And cranky. And emotional. And beat up. And swollen from the steroids they give me to prevent an allergic reaction (which only kind of work, because I still have bouts of incredible, mind-numbing itching on my hands and arms that sometimes bring me to tears, and makes me look like I’m on meth. Except without the energy of a meth user).

Also, to be precise, even though next week is my last dose of chemotherapy, I still have to take a trip to the infusion room every three weeks for 9 more months. One of the drugs I’m getting, Herceptin, has the highest success rate if given for a year, and I’ve only put in three months. Herceptin isn’t a chemotherapy, in that it doesn’t attack my healthy cells. Only the cells that create the over-abundance of this certain protein that makes my cancer so aggressive. The good news of that is that the side effects of Herceptin are minimal. I mean, except for possible heart damage. No big deal, right?

The other reason I’m not feeling great about being almost done with chemo, is that the next step is surgery. I’m not looking forward to that. Mostly, I’m not looking forward to how I’ll feel after surgery, both physically and emotionally.

So, after chemo, are you done with treatment?
Nope. On November 11th, I am scheduled to have a double mastectomy. My surgeon will also dissect the axillary lymph nodes on my left side, because she found cancer in two of my lymph nodes during the last surgery. So she will want to make sure it hasn’t spread. Once I am healed enough from that (probably about six weeks), I will get radiation every weekday for six weeks. Maybe five. It depends on how much cancer is found during surgery. Once I have healed enough from that, (probably at least six months) I will start reconstructive surgery, which consists of four procedures. Unless I change my mind about that.

I heard people who have lost their hair to chemo often find it grows back differently. Maybe yours will grow back black and curly?
Actually, (for those who don’t see me regularly) it’s already starting to grow back, foiling my plan to start a betting pool on possible textures and colors. Every day there is more hair, and it’s pretty clear it’s going to be be red again (YES!). The jury is still out as to whether it will be curly (fingers crossed!). Although, I should be careful what I wish for. With my lack of skill, or interest, in how to style hair, it would probably be a disaster. In my head, I could look like this, if I just had curly hair:

But, let’s be real. I would probably look more like this:

I would post a picture of the how it actually looks right now, if my face weren’t swollen up like a pumpkin. Or if it didn’t look as if I might have a receding hairline, and the hair on the lump at the top of my head might not be growing as thick or as dark as the hair around it, therefore accentuating said lump. No good comes from sharing pictures of yourself like that.

How’s Miko?

Miko is her usual confident, chatty self. She has a big role in a play today, in which she sings a solo, and doesn’t appear to be one bit nervous. Unimaginably, she’s turning 11 on Sunday. 11. When I started grad school, she was in the first grade, almost seven. Now she is a tween, and wants to celebrate her birthday weekend by making an egg recipe she found online from Gordon Ramsay. Love that kid.